A Place of Last Resorts

Now...that sounds a little desperate. But it has a nice ring to it, so I suppose I just had to use it. I'm not too very stressed out, not really. And I'm not sure what I will put here that doesn't just shout out all the boring instances of my life into the stratosphere. But I miss this place. I miss being able to just sit here and think of everything and put it up, hoping that someone sees it and thinks something good of it.

Here I am, knowing that in less than a week I am going to take the SAT for the third time, knowing that it will likely culminate into a panic attack later in that day and that I might not even do any better than I did the last time. But hey, I'm not worried. I already know what's coming, and I know that no matter what, by saturday afternoon I will never, ever have to take that test again. And, hopefully, will never have to go to Jordan high school ever again.

You know....I am very lazy. I am. I work insanely fast, and thus have not cultivated any sort of ability to just sit and work for hours, whether I need to or not. This, this is where I'm feeling it the most. Now that I have to put extra work into my last year of high school, hoping beyond hope that I make a good enough impression to get a scholarship to my college of choice, I am beginning to feel winding. And all I can say is: Thank God.

Thank God for my support group, for my beautiful dog and my wonder boyfriend, for my loyal friends and encouraging teachers. Thank God for my ability to zone into a different time and space when the stress is getting to me--after all, there is nothing like a good story to bring the stress level down. And thank God that He gave me the self-interest to shove this blog into the corner for a year, because if I'd had to worry about it on top of everything else, I would have shot myself.

Not really. But there might have been a little more stress than I could have handled.

Now, as I come back here, I can truly say I have an interest in life. My life, and what I can accomplish in it. What I want, and what I feel called to do. Although admittedly, sometimes those things clash a little. Whatever. No matter how much I struggle, God will easy drag me to where he wants me to go. And that, my friends, is perhaps the one fact that has lead me closer to peace than anything else I have experienced.