So I guess I should write up some sort of a post before I leave for five days. I don't like to say that ten days went by between my posts, even though they basically have and I don't have much to say. But I guess...I owe it to you? I dunno. I started this back when I was thinking of pursuing writing as a career and wanted to dip a toe in the water. Since then, through both the blog and general events in my life, I've realized that that is not the course for me. I'm not supposed to live that way, whatever 'that' way is.
Of course, I'll never stop writing. I just don't want to be pressured. I want to enjoy the process and take as long as I want. I have to like and care about what I'm writing or I won't have the fuel to finish a story. That doesn't work for a career writer.
Not to mention, my lack of muse is about to skyrocket as an endearing eight-week-old puppy enters the household this coming monday. I'll be very tired and very busy, and I already have commitments to friends and other sites. This just isn't a priority for me anymore. Nothing extremely useful, deep, or important goes up here anymore, and I'm not good at writing fluff pieces. I don't enjoy them, at least.
So...yeah. This is my question: Does anyone still read this? Do you care about what I'm saying, or are you reading as a courtesy? Would you be duly devastated if I told you I'm scrapping the blog? I ask because I never get any feedback and I do spend a lot of time of each post, and it's sometimes discouraging when you come back and no one has anything to say to you. Blogs aren't supposed to make you feel that way.
Yup. If you want me to continue this, you'd better comment or Email me or something. Because I like writing, but if no one's reading it I might as well write on my own time, without trying to maintain a site.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
To Satisfy
What exactly does that verb mean? To make content? Or is it to fulfill until there is no more room for improvement? Is it to make happy or just to make at peace? Is it merely to quell the distress of the heart? Are you truly satisfying a person if you have to 'keep' them satisfied? If you have to go back every once in awhile, and prove your worth again?
I have heard this verb used in so many ways in the world. Good ways and bad ways. The ability to be satisfied has moved from a virtue to a defect and back so many times that really I tend to stay away from the word altogether. At least, in any original form. Any writer in the room must raise their hand and admit that they have fallen into cliche's from time to time, using weary phrases and techniques as well as developing their own.
Anyway, I only thought of this because I used this particular word in my facebook status only a few minutes ago and...well:
'Good day, then bad day, then worse day, then busy day, then great day, then complicated day, then wonderful day. Funny how the most satisfying days are the ones you can't quite define.'
Obviously, to my deeper self, to satisfy is not strictly to make happy. Today was not a happy day, for the most part. It was filled with disappointment and irrational anger and trying to vent to a friend who had to leave soon (No, I don't blame the friend at all. In fact, I'm thankful that he tried to help during the little time he had.). In all honesty, the only excuse I have for being so out of sorts today is that the entire household has been tense for several weeks now.
This is, I learned quite a lesson today, and not from any particular thing. Just...the entire day. I was so miserable at the beginning, and the end was so helpful and fun and relaxing, showing me that love lasts forever, even if you lose the person you love for a time. Showing me that no matter how hard things seem at first, God always has something wonderful coming for you at the end of it. That he does have a plan and he does want you to be happy. And really, things aren't as dire as they appear in the moment. Things pass. Everything passes in this life. That's what makes the bad bearable and the good precious.
So yeah. Tonight, I am satisfied. I am satisfied because I have given up everything, all my rights, and allowed both good and bad to happen and pass and shape me. Because no, I'm not important, but I am sustained. I am loved.
I have heard this verb used in so many ways in the world. Good ways and bad ways. The ability to be satisfied has moved from a virtue to a defect and back so many times that really I tend to stay away from the word altogether. At least, in any original form. Any writer in the room must raise their hand and admit that they have fallen into cliche's from time to time, using weary phrases and techniques as well as developing their own.
Anyway, I only thought of this because I used this particular word in my facebook status only a few minutes ago and...well:
'Good day, then bad day, then worse day, then busy day, then great day, then complicated day, then wonderful day. Funny how the most satisfying days are the ones you can't quite define.'
Obviously, to my deeper self, to satisfy is not strictly to make happy. Today was not a happy day, for the most part. It was filled with disappointment and irrational anger and trying to vent to a friend who had to leave soon (No, I don't blame the friend at all. In fact, I'm thankful that he tried to help during the little time he had.). In all honesty, the only excuse I have for being so out of sorts today is that the entire household has been tense for several weeks now.
This is, I learned quite a lesson today, and not from any particular thing. Just...the entire day. I was so miserable at the beginning, and the end was so helpful and fun and relaxing, showing me that love lasts forever, even if you lose the person you love for a time. Showing me that no matter how hard things seem at first, God always has something wonderful coming for you at the end of it. That he does have a plan and he does want you to be happy. And really, things aren't as dire as they appear in the moment. Things pass. Everything passes in this life. That's what makes the bad bearable and the good precious.
So yeah. Tonight, I am satisfied. I am satisfied because I have given up everything, all my rights, and allowed both good and bad to happen and pass and shape me. Because no, I'm not important, but I am sustained. I am loved.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Character
So, here I am again. I've been writing a whole lot more this week, which is unexpected, but it's late right now. I don't want to get started on another part of my story without full control of my consciousness. Also, I just watched two of the worst movies known to man. Well...I fell asleep during the second one. Twice. That's ok. I don't sleep enough at night, I feel like it's a good thing that I catch up on it during the day.
See, friend-whose-name-shall-remain-undisclosed? I only said I don't sleep at night very well. That's why I take cat naps almost every day. So there.
Anyway, I figured I'd ramble on here for a few minutes, maybe drain some of the writing-itch I'm feeling. I don't really have much of a deep discussion to lay out for you today, so I'm sorry. Most of my deep thought these days have been about matters best not thrown willy-nilly into the internet. You understand.
You know what's good therapy? The ability to throw words into a story without much thought of quality or continuity. Don't believe me? Well, have you ever been really, really angry with someone but unable to confront them? Did you ever vent by, say, staging a conversation and shouting into thin air? or figuring out long-winded arguments that of course pin down your side of the issue perfectly? Or just dwelled on it until it got so old and worn out that you just got over it yourself?
Honestly, that's what writing is half the time. It's taking your pent-up emotions and giving them to characters and situations and creating confrontations until you've completely worn yourself out on the subject and can look at it with better clarity. I've done it several time. Feeling overly romantic/lovesick? Slap down a two-page love story. Feeling murderous? Write about...gory battles. Evil, angsty, or angry characters. It's not coddling the emotion, really. It's putting it on the page, reading over it, letting the badly written work show you how illogical it all is, and calming yourself down. It also separates the emotion from real life, which helps you control yourself in the moment better.
"You" being me, of course. I know there are several people who just don't work this way. But even if you are not a writer, per say, you should try it out. It may just help. And then, you can show me your work and let me steal all your ideas, because everyone knows that's what good writers do.
*ahem* Just kidding.... >.>
Me, I write epic novels with all of the above enclosed within. You'll find, if I ever show people anything I write, that most of my characters reflect several of my deepest beliefs in one way or enough. My life goes into what I write, especially the way people relate to each other. Allow me a few seconds to brag, and I will say that I have been highly praised by several experienced and successful writers on my dialogue flow and character definition. It makes me happy--characters are, in my opinion, what make the story. If the characters grab you, it doesn't really matter what the story is about--you'll want to read it.
To a certain extent, of course. Plot is a big part of any story. Give it thought.
See, friend-whose-name-shall-remain-undisclosed? I only said I don't sleep at night very well. That's why I take cat naps almost every day. So there.
Anyway, I figured I'd ramble on here for a few minutes, maybe drain some of the writing-itch I'm feeling. I don't really have much of a deep discussion to lay out for you today, so I'm sorry. Most of my deep thought these days have been about matters best not thrown willy-nilly into the internet. You understand.
You know what's good therapy? The ability to throw words into a story without much thought of quality or continuity. Don't believe me? Well, have you ever been really, really angry with someone but unable to confront them? Did you ever vent by, say, staging a conversation and shouting into thin air? or figuring out long-winded arguments that of course pin down your side of the issue perfectly? Or just dwelled on it until it got so old and worn out that you just got over it yourself?
Honestly, that's what writing is half the time. It's taking your pent-up emotions and giving them to characters and situations and creating confrontations until you've completely worn yourself out on the subject and can look at it with better clarity. I've done it several time. Feeling overly romantic/lovesick? Slap down a two-page love story. Feeling murderous? Write about...gory battles. Evil, angsty, or angry characters. It's not coddling the emotion, really. It's putting it on the page, reading over it, letting the badly written work show you how illogical it all is, and calming yourself down. It also separates the emotion from real life, which helps you control yourself in the moment better.
"You" being me, of course. I know there are several people who just don't work this way. But even if you are not a writer, per say, you should try it out. It may just help. And then, you can show me your work and let me steal all your ideas, because everyone knows that's what good writers do.
*ahem* Just kidding.... >.>
Me, I write epic novels with all of the above enclosed within. You'll find, if I ever show people anything I write, that most of my characters reflect several of my deepest beliefs in one way or enough. My life goes into what I write, especially the way people relate to each other. Allow me a few seconds to brag, and I will say that I have been highly praised by several experienced and successful writers on my dialogue flow and character definition. It makes me happy--characters are, in my opinion, what make the story. If the characters grab you, it doesn't really matter what the story is about--you'll want to read it.
To a certain extent, of course. Plot is a big part of any story. Give it thought.
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